The Power of "Being With"

In Mark 3:14 we read that Jesus appointed twelve that they might (first) "be with" him and then later that they might be sent out. We have not learned this well in the church, nor at times within our natural families. "Being with" is a godly trait ... it is even reflected in one of his revealed Names (Immanuel). It is what Jesus promised to his disciples before he ascended to heaven. It is the wonderful gift of "presence", the purpose for which Jesus died on the cross, and for which he ascended into heaven. I want to suggest that it is the foundation for helping form and shape the life of another - be it children in our natural family or believers in our spiritual family.

A friend recently blogged about her thoughts on raising children and fostering authentic spiritual life so as not to "lose them to the surrounding culture" (you can read about it here). I would suggest that behind her positive suggestions for how to best influence them for good, lies the idea of "being with". However this does not simply mean being in the same room or under the same roof, but rather learning how to build intimacy as a foundation for life, meaning and growth. This intimacy must be mutual - a vulnerable sharing of oneself whilst also seeking to deeply know the other person/child. The end of this is not simply knowledge however, but loving care. That is most likely to happen when know one another at an intimate heart level. Someone else once said, 'if you're bored with someone, you've probably not truly met them. If you're irritated with them then you haven't seen their heart.'

Such intimacy and care is what builds trust (aka 'faith') and authentic community. That is a process however, and calls for personal transformation and growth ... from us all. Jesus sought to connect and be with us at the start of this process thank goodness! We know this spiritually but I suggest that he also modeled this as a man in his appointing of the disciples. Another 'hard saying' of Jesus that I read this week as I was pondering these things, was his words in Mark 3:33-34 "Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother."

Jesus seems to be putting a high value on his spiritual family, the family of God. Can we begin to see the parallel between raising our natural children and being a part of the spiritual formation of God's children (or at least a few of them!) and that the principle of "being with" holds for both. Perhaps one of the reasons that so often 'church-goers' are seemingly lost to the culture around us, is that we are not following the example Jesus gave in inviting people to "be with" us and seeing intimate friendship as foundational to our being formed into devoted followers of Christ. It is through this connection that people are best shaped by not only conceptual truth (of the Scripture) but also the experienced truth of love as the energy of the Holy Spirit is released from us (see John 7:38).

Growing in Love for One Another

I occasionally find myself listening to someone talk about their frustrations about the 'community dynamic' within their home church. Names are not usually shared but the experience often resonates with my own experiences after working with small group dynamics over the last 25 years. Lots of factors contribute towards this but when you 'boil it down', the consequence of genuine needs being neglected is always painful. It hurts and can lead to not just negative emotions but also faulty thinking and unproductive behavior.

We must learn to grow in love and to do so more and more as Paul says to the Christians in Thessalonica. I have come up with my own list of ways we can do this in our simple churches. Love is a choice, so why not take a look, reflect on those that 'hit home' and resolve to put some into practice more often, maybe even sharing that with another trusted friend who can give you feedback in a month or so as to how you're doing. Beware of trying to do too much though and then feeling self-condemned. Better to aim at 2 or 3 for a time.

Ok, so here's the list, in no particular order. Also, think about this in terms of your whole life, wherever and with whomever you find yourself;

1. Respond to emails promptly about participation and contribution at the meeting

2. Bring something to share of what is happening in your life

3. Be more punctual - respect other people's time

4. Take initiative to connect with others outside the group gathering so as to get to know them

5. "Give first" - call people more, give a small meaningful gift, etc.

6. Seek to become more accountable/vulnerable/real - remove the mask with some

7. Listen well

8. Be curious/dig deeper by asking open-ended questions and don't move on too quickly

9. Don't be too quick to write yourself off as to the impact you may have on someone else

10. Be ready to commit or at least explore with someone why that's hard for you

11. Offer to help someone you see struggling - a little bit goes a long way

12. Beware of triangulation - speaking badly about one person to another. If someone does that to you, interrupt and encourage them to address the person directly, offering to help if necessary

13. Be a peacemaker

14. Celebrate special occasions (birthdays and anniversaries) and other's achievements

15. Pray for people - maybe just one a day or as at the Spirit leads you

16. Offer to make/bring main dish at least once in a while -can be simple, maybe team up with another

17. Offer to host

18. Ask for help - shows you're real

Hope this helps us grow together and in the Lord. Let us not withhold the Spirit's life.

Comments and additions very welcome!

Train yourself for godliness

"Train yourself for godliness ... For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe." [1 Tim 4:7 & 10]

At breakfast this morning with 2 friends and fellow Christ-followers we pondered this Scripture. One friend reminded us that when Paul talks about toiling and striving, it is not about "huffing and puffing" to make something happen, but ultimately about yielding to the Spirit and his work in us. This is meant to take the pressure off of us, especially as we increasingly rest in the knowledge that God is with us (Immanuel) and for us. He is willing as Jesus once said to the leper who said, "if you are willing, you can make me clean". Peter would also want to encourage us by reminding us that through the gospel we have been given everything we need for godliness ALREADY. "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence" [2 Pet 1:3]

The heart of the new covenant message of the gospel is 'Christ in us, the hope of glory'. So we always have hope, we are never totally at a loss, though there is still a part we play in the process of yielding. At Larry Crabb's School of Spiritual Direction we were reminded of this same truth in thinking about how we are being transformed into the likeness of Christ. He puts it like this:

Brokenness --> Repentance --> Abandonment --> Revelation --> Confidence --> Release

Abandonment equates to yielding, a turning from a self-obsessed lifestyle to a God-obsessed one. Though we would like to think that this was all done at conversion, when we first turned to Christ as Savior and Lord, the reality is that spiritual formation is a lifetime of repeated repentance and abandonment as God reveals to us new areas of our lives that still need to be conformed. This is not easy 'work' nor something that is meant to be done alone. This is why the Lord sets us in families/communities - the primary place where our self-centredness gets exposed. Hopefully within these communities we will also foster the kind of closer, more intimate friendships where this work can be embraced.

The Truth About Fitness

Friday morning, 7:30am at a certain Starbucks, is one of my favorite times of the week. For the past year or so I've been meeting with 2 guys who have become good friends. We are "Men of a Certain Age" as the title of the show goes. It's a time to catch up but also a time of spiritual reflection. This last Friday one of the guys talked about a secular article he had been reading in which people in their 50s (I think) talked about the things they regretted most as they looked back on life. Here's the top 3 answers:

(1) About 60% wished they had made wiser choices when it came to money so that at this stage of life they had less debt and more savings.

(2) The second most popular answer had to do with physical health. Today they were living with the regretful consequences of poor diet and lack of exercise.

(3) The third answer was to do with relationships and their regret at not investing themselves enough in building healthy, intimate relationships with family and friends.

It got me thinking about (and threatening to preach about!) the three foundational areas of the Christian life to which we should give significant attention and how they related directly to each of the points above;

(i) Stewardship - the strategic and faithful use of our time, treasure and talents in the service of God
(ii) Spiritual Formation - seeing our destiny as the conforming of our lives to the image of Christ Jesus and our need to be devoted to this process of transformation .... in ourselves as well as in the lives of others
(iii) The New Commandment - given to us by Jesus that we love one another as he loves us.

As we enter a new year, what better time to do some personal reflection on progress through 2010 but also prayerfully seeking a vision for what the Lord wants for you in each of these areas. Growth is a process, a long one for most of us, understanding that can be a liberating truth. But it is also a process to which God is committed and with which he is involved as a loving and compassionate Father.

This week I wanted to share some thoughts about Spiritual Formation or Health. Interestingly enough, later on Friday I went for my regular workout at 24 Hour and noticed that they had some new posters up that picked up the theme of physical health. They were highlighting "The Truth about Fitness" and there were three topics;

(a) Look Around We're All In This Together: working out with a friend will help keep you motivated
(b) At One Point, I Wanted To Throw In The Towel: establish a routine and stick with it, the results will follow
(c) No Matter How You Feel Walking In, You'll Feel Great Walking Out: regular exercise can help relieve stress and elevate your mood

When it comes to our own Spiritual Formation, the development of the inner life with God, where we grow in freedom to love and give ourselves to others, I thought about the importance of having close intimate friends. A saying of another friend of mine is 'you can't grow yourself by yourself'. We have too many blindspots and are easily prone to self-deception. I want to have a few people in my life to whom I can ask the question, 'when you are around me, what do you experience?' Scary though it is, I believe we need this kind of input and people who'll love us enough to be truthful.

There is also a place for spiritual discipline and ritual. We would all like to be spontaneous (well some of us), but daily/weekly/monthly rhythm is important also. For me this year, I would like some of that discipline to include more consistent times of quiet/aloneness/meditation and journaling. I enjoy and am energized by being with people but I also need time alone with God and my thoughts.

Just as physical exercise can make us feel better inside (once the aches and soreness subside), spiritual health and balance in our lives can also bring inner peace and joy. Which can in turn, impact us physically and relationally, giving us greater freedom to reach out and risk ourselves with others. Oftentimes I can sense in myself and others a tendency to withdraw or remain hidden, often motivated by fears within. This is one of the greatest hindrances to authentic community and friendships. Jesus said that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. I wonder if oftentimes our hiddenness is an indication of a certain hardness or 'emptiness' of heart, reflecting our aloneness in that no-one really knows us deep down, something which God says is not good.

School of Spiritual Direction

This weekend I get to do something that has been on my heart for the last couple of years. It has previously been 'out of reach' due to scheduling conflicts or financial constraints. But at fairly short notice, God has opened the door for me to attend and to do so with Carol as well. We are both excited but also a little apprehensive as I sense that this will be as much about change in us and the preparation of our own hearts as it will be about learning news skills or techniques. The timing could not have been better and we both sense that this is something of a watershed moment in our lives and ministries.

Spiritual Direction or Spiritual Formation is not something with which most Christians are familiar. It was certainly not a part of the tradition in which Carol and I grew up as young believers. But we have come to increasingly see this as an important part of our spiritual growth and development. Our interest has also been piqued by reading some of Larry Crabb's books and reflecting upon his own spiritual journey. Some of these books include;

• The Pressure's Off
• Shattered Dreams
• Becoming a True Spiritual Community
• Soul Talk

You can see a short video clip on Larry Crabb's approach to Spiritual Direction and Spiritual Formation by clicking on this image to the right. I like the idea that this is not just for the "professionals" but that it is something we can all learn to grow in and provide for others through deep spiritual friendships. It is our hope to impart these principles to others so that our Simple Church communities are increasingly places of healing and transformation for our lives.

This is what Larry Crabb says on his website; "As we conceive it, Spiritual Direction is the process of exploring and understanding the interior world of another, recognizing both the work of the flesh and the work of the Spirit, and following the Spirit's work in transforming the person's interior world to become more like Christ." It is really all about helping others develop a deeper and closer relationship with the Lord so that he becomes our chief delight and joy. This is what the Holy Spirit is doing in our lives and we're simply partnering with Him in the task with those whom God has put into our lives and communities.

Core Practice #7: Creative Expression

Our final Core Practice, "Creative Expression", was maybe for some a more difficult concept to grasp. This may be a reflection of how often in the church we have unwittingly stifled people's creativity by being too one-dimensional in our expression. This is not just about art - if so, I for one would consider myself part of the remedial class. Maybe not a bad idea in itself some might say!

The thoughts that came to me caused me to look to the book of Revelation at a part of the picture given to John of the assembled worshippers in heaven, before the Lamb;

"After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb" [Rev 7:9]

When we think of the diversity that is within the church, something we are meant to celebrate and not be intimidated by. When we consider that the same creative Spirit that hovered over the waters in Genesis 1 is at work within each one of us, personally and collectively. When we grasp that the recreation of all things in, through and for, Jesus Christ has begun and that we are a part both of the product and the process. When we see the interplay of both "truth" and "beauty" - their respective importance and necessity in what God is doing through His Son.

We are a part of something much grander than we are often able to give God credit for. This also means that God has purpose and intent for each one of us in effecting his purposes upon the earth. We are to both take responsibility for this within ourselves but also draw this out of one another through the prophetic ministry of the Holy Spirit at work in our communities.

" the one who prophesies speaks to people for their upbuilding and encouragement and consolation." [1 Corinthians 14:3]

During our time together, we were led to ponder the condition of our heart before the Lord and one another. Carol had helpfully laid out the display below (see photo) to help with our meditation and reflection so that we might express ourselves through word, picture, song, poem, etc. It led to some vulnerable sharing that become a holy moment of knowing one another more deeply and knowing the presence of the One who makes all things new.

Our conversation on this topic is to be continued next time, so this will hopefully be continued ...

Core Practice #6: Serving Others

"It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." [Matt 20:26-28]

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." [Matt 5:16]

"And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." [Matt 5:41]

"No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." [John 15:15]

In many ways these Scriptures speak for themselves. But as we reflected as a community, a number of conclusions were drawn;

• service can be described as 'an act of helpful activity; help; aid'
• though not the means by which we are saved, according to James, to call yourself a believer/follower of Christ and not to serve others, is to have a faith that is dead. Paul puts it another way in Ephesians, we are saved for good works
• the world asks the question, 'what's in it for me?' This is not to be our primary motivation as Christ-followers.
• there are over 2,000 references to the poor in the Scriptures reflecting God's special heart for those living on the fringes, in need of help
• the parable of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25:31-46 amply describes Jesus' expectation that we will feed the hungry, clothe the naked and visit those in prison.
• service is good news, therefore a significant part of evangelism
• the dynamic of our serving as a community does something to us also, it builds something among us, we are changed
• we are not to wait until we feel ready or feel like serving, it is in the act of obedience to Jesus' command that our hearts ore touched with compassion and we are changed
  

We talked about and explored the different ways in which we have had opportunity in the past to serve others - whether as a larger community or as individuals. We wanted to commit as a community to make this a regular part of our rhythm of life, being open to needs as God brings them across our path.

What does being a disciple of Jesus and serving mean to you ... individually?

Where and how can we serve as a group, together?

How can we best maintain a balance of inward growth and outward service?